romancewithsass.com

Sometimes life presents opportunities. You ever get one of those – where you've sat there drooling or sweating over the chance of a lifetime…you're paralyzed by the idea of taking a step, opening your mind, expressing your opinion, taking a chance? I've had a few of these in the past few weeks. I found myself positively giddy at times and at others, filled with dread – fear like sawdust filled my mouth.

The Internet is a great place to hide. You can create an identity defined by your own words. Pick an avatar of somebody better looking than you. Fill your profiles full of bull pucky. And then one day reality stares you in the face and all those people you've been talking to online are going to get a chance to look you in the eye and figure out whether you've been honest. The experience was unnerving, invigorating, and freeing. I stood toe to toe with a man who makes my heart pound like a wild stallion every time I've seen him. I met someone I think is so beautiful and marvelous. She was so gracious to me-exactly how I'd always thought she'd be. I introduced myself to a writer I really admire and he looked at me over his glasses, through his bushy eyebrows and beatnik hair and said, thank you, and walked away. I embraced the friendship strangers offered.  Afterward, I was shaking like a leaf and awestruck but really proud of myself for getting through it with a smile and with grace.

My porridge, oftentimes Redneck, Midwest upbringing can leave me slack-jawed sometimes. It's not every day I leave a pool party and come face to face with cross-dressing men but I think I managed a pleasant hello and moved on. However, the unsupervised youngsters in the hotel lobby had me wondering, where are your mothers? I guess some old habits die hard.

I volunteered to do two things I've been dying to try but sat back for all the wrong reasons, for far too long. And now my signature is on the dotted line and I'll give these new adventures a whirl. I bet it'll be fine just because there'll be a lot of others there who, like me, think "I could never do that."

I blogged at Michele 'n Jeff's Blogspot this week. Check it out. It's the most in-depth interview I've ever done and it took me hours to formulate the answers to their questions. They also reviewed Awakening Allaire – my debut novel. It was pretty happy with their rating but really happy with the review. It said I accomplished what I wanted to with that book.

My point really is that carpe diem has never meant more to me. My life has been filled with downturns, disappointments, and drama. I've struggled to find my place and now I wonder why. Because I'm thinking I've been here all along and just didn't accept it. Life is challenging when your personality or life circumstances don't make you part of the "regular" crowd. Finally, when my life is more than half over, I'm fine with who I am and I'm through wasting time on people, ideas, and things that try to force this square block in a round hole. I cherish the paths we walked on together but I put my comfy leather loafers away. Will you?



Until the next time.
Margie